How to Find a Therapist That Fits Your Needs
Why Finding the Right Therapist Matters
Finding the right therapist can be daunting, so it’s important to be choosy. In theory, we’ll share our fears, hopes, and dreams with this person, which helps if we like and trust them. I don’t know about you, but a few providers feel important to like, which is the gateway for trust. For me, that’s dentists, therapists, and medication providers. I need to feel like I can tell them when it’s too much or not enough (nitrous oxide in most cases) and get a little vulnerable when I’m nervous, scared, or have questions and don’t want to worry about feeling stupid. If I don’t feel like I can do that, we’re all wasting our time (and, in reality, causing more harm than good).
What to Consider Before Starting Your Search
A few things are helpful to consider before searching for a therapist. First, knowing how you hope counseling will help you is an important place to start. Do you want to feel less anxious or worried when going to new places or meeting new people? Do you want to get that pep back and stop feeling like you’re slogging through life? Or, maybe you’ve read an article, listened to a podcast, or overheard a conversation that had you thinking, “Oh, wait. Maybe that’s me too?” Either way, I have some excellent tips for landing in the right spot on the first try.
Identifying Your Goals for Therapy
Getting clear on why you’re starting counseling or therapy can be a great way to increase your confidence when you meet with a new therapist. This can be a simple or in-depth process, but both are okay. The point is to get you clearer about what’s not feeling good. You could consider asking yourself a few questions:
What (or who) is causing me the most stress right now? Figuring out how to communicate your pain points with a potential therapist will help you and your therapist focus on what is important to you quickly.
How do I want my life to look differently in six months or a year from now? This is like a vision board for your mind. Not necessarily in setting big goals or aspirations, but something like, “I want to put my work down at 5:00 so I can spend time with my partner” or “I’d like to be able to tell people no without worrying if they’re mad at me.” These insights help both you and your therapist know what’s important to you, and that can focus your time and energy to help realize those goals (or find out what’s in the way).
What do I hope to gain from therapy? Often, when meeting people for the first time, I’ll ask them, “I would know that therapy was successful if I felt ___.” The answers to this question usually are: “more clear,” “more patient,” “calmer,” or “like I could focus more easily.”
Types of Therapy: Exploring Different Modalities and Approaches
Once you clarify why you’re going to therapy or your goals, you can focus on potential therapists' modalities, approaches, and specialties. EMDR is all the rage, and there’s a good reason, but it might not be your answer if you want homework and want to talk through how to solve problems. If you have a hard time ever feeling calm or safe, you might not get what you need from a therapist who specializes in cognitive behavioral therapy. If you feel burnt out and overwhelmed, working with a Jungian Analyst might not be what you’re looking for. It’s not your job to know everything about every type of therapy or approach to treatment, but if you’re clear on what you’re hoping to get out of treatment, it will make it easier for your therapist to tell you if they have the skills or approach that best suits your needs.
Specializations: Why Therapist Expertise Matters
Having a therapist who promotes themselves as an expert in everything means they’re an expert in nothing. When you read their profiles, visit their websites, or talk with them on the phone, it should feel like they’re talking to and about you. They should speak to things that you struggle with. If you feel anxious and overwhelmed, and someone’s profile only talks about art therapy or self-exploration, they might not be the right person at the right time for you.
There are a few areas of expertise that really matter. Therapists that have CAS/LAC after their name specialize in substance use disorders. This is super important for people who have complicated relationships with alcohol or other drugs and are looking for immediate and concrete strategies to promote their safety and well-being.
This is also true for registered play therapists, sand-tray therapists, art therapists, equine-assisted therapists, and other niche areas of study—make sure what they offer is consistent with your goals and needs for counseling! Fort Collins has a really rich and diverse pool of therapists' options, and there is absolutely someone out there who can meet your needs.
Where to Start: Gathering Recommendations and Resources
I’m not exaggerating when I say that 60% of my clients (I counted!) came to me through personal referrals. That means their friend, colleague, naturopath, medication provider, hairdresser, chiropractor, or acupuncturist recommended that they work with me because of my personal or professional relationship. Don’t doubt for a second that the street goes both ways (I’m happy to share my favorite folks in these categories with clients of mine as well). However, if you’re feeling unsure about reaching out to your friends or other networks, I have some other ideas as well.
Online Directories
Online directories are an excellent spot for most people to find provider resources. I use them all the time to help connect folks to other community providers. A few are often used and have the most provider options. Psychology Today is the juggernaut in directory listings for therapists, counselors, and medication providers. It has a handy filter tool allowing you to search by gender, in-person or online therapy, insurance provider, and specialization. Mental Health Match is a lovely alternative to Psychology Today, which also has excellent search functions and matching tools. It is also a great way to feel confident that you’re signing up to work with someone who gets you. Last, and certainly not least, is Open Path Collective. Open Path is a great resource for uninsured or underinsured people looking for therapy at a discounted rate.
Compatibility is Key: How to Gauge If a Therapist is a Good Fit
A few things are crucial to help you determine whether a therapist is a good fit for you and your needs.
Initial Impressions
Do you feel at ease when talking to the therapist? A sense of comfort and safety is crucial for building trust. Does the therapist’s way of speaking resonate with you? Do they listen attentively and understand your concerns? Do they use language that makes sense to you? Is their tone of voice, non-verbal communication style, and office space (or online space) feel comfortable to you?
Therapeutic Approach
Does the therapist’s approach align with what you’re looking for? For example, if you prefer a structured method, you might seek someone who uses Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). Is the therapist adaptable in their methods? Can they adjust their approach based on your evolving needs?
Feedback and Collaboration
Does the therapist encourage and respond well to your feedback? A good fit includes feeling that your input is valued and incorporated into your sessions. Do you feel like you’re working together as a team toward your goals? Effective therapy often involves collaboration rather than a one-sided approach.
Cultural and Personal Identities
Cultural competence is critical in therapy. A therapist who understands and respects your cultural background, identity, and personal values can provide more tailored and practical support. This compatibility helps create a comfortable environment where you can express yourself.
Red Flags: What to Avoid When Choosing a Therapist
This might be easier to connect with because we all know what it feels like to have a provider we do not like or gel with (insert dentists here). But it would be really unhelpful of me not to name some of the bigger things that I try to help people avoid when they’re trying to find the right therapist in Fort Collins, Colorado.
Lack of Boundaries: Recognizing Unprofessional Behavior
If a therapist frequently shares personal stories or details irrelevant to your therapy, it may indicate poor boundaries. While some self-disclosure can be appropriate, it should be used sparingly and only when it benefits your therapeutic process.
Any physical contact that makes you uncomfortable, such as hugs, pats on the back, or holding hands, especially when not initiated by you or without your explicit consent, is a sign of poor boundaries.
Consistently starting sessions late, going over the allotted time without your consent, or frequently canceling or rescheduling sessions at the last minute can indicate a lack of respect for boundaries.
If a therapist makes comments or acts in a way that suggests they are emotionally dependent on you or need your validation, it’s a clear sign of poor boundaries. Therapy should focus on your needs, not the therapist’s.
While small tokens of appreciation (like a holiday card) may be acceptable in some cultures, accepting significant gifts, money, or favors from a client can indicate boundary issues. This can create an unbalanced power dynamic and interfere with the therapeutic process.
The Empowering Impact of Finding the Right Therapist
Finding the right therapist can have a profoundly empowering impact on your life. Connecting with a therapist who truly understands you and aligns with your needs creates a safe and supportive space where you can explore your thoughts, emotions, and challenges without judgment. This connection fosters trust and allows you to delve into deep, transformative work, helping you gain clarity, develop healthier coping strategies, and build a stronger sense of self. The right therapist guides you through the healing process and empowers you to take charge of your mental health and well-being, leading to lasting positive changes in your life. This therapeutic alliance can catalyze personal growth, resilience, and self-discovery, ultimately helping you lead a more fulfilled and authentic life.